Ontological Security and existential Birthday Angst

From the vaults: August 24, 2016:

“Ontological insecurity refers, in an existential sense, to a person’s sense of “being” in the world. An ontologically insecure person does not accept at a fundamental level the reality or existence of things, themselves, and others. In contrast, the ontologically secure person has a stable and unquestioned sense of self and of his or her place in the world in relation to other people and objects.” (Jackson & Hogg, 2010)

Rob Brezney’s Freewill Astrology http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/20160818.html provoked thoughts of my own ontological security as I experienced a moment of existential birthday angst this morning when I woke up.

So yes. The passing of years is a comfortable constant. Life delights me daily when the sun warms my flesh and the wind brushes my hair out of my face or the rain joins my tears, both the visible and the spiritual. When I feel tired, I take off my shoes and I squish my toes in the grass. The grounding energy of the earth energizes me.

Life is a miracle that sometimes I take for granted, caught up in feeling the feelings as deeply as I do. Feeling is the uncanny power I possess. I feel deeply and ruthlessly and more than normal. I fall in love with a senselessness, an easy empty headed joy; as easy as loving a breeze on a hot day, or sticky sandy hugs from a toddler. I love roses and orchids and berries and the sacred geometry of all plants. I love the provocative nature of bees and sexy flowers and the miracles of tasty fruit.

The benefits of loving this life are found in my family and also in the friends that I have manifested, for moments or years or lifetimes, friends I haven’t met yet, friends with whom I nurture varying degrees of intimacy. In addition to my physical village, I have a larger digital village which I am also thankful for.

The freedom of being uniquely me makes me feel at home in the world. The ability to do exactly what I dream of everyday. That I can manifest the blessings to combat the sorrows. That I challenge dominant discourses simply by existing, by “doing” me. The electric shock of communing with my Ancestors through their material culture which is not intangible. Looking into the sky to see eagles waiting, allowing me to witness their playful sky dance. Soft sighs of “mama” in the night. These things nourish me, and my ontological security.

Thanks, if you’re reading, for all you do everyday, for being you.